


emptying heart

by Krazecat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Behavior, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Exhaustion, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Iwaizumi Hajime is a Good Boyfriend, M/M, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Overworking, Panic Attacks, Protective Iwaizumi Hajime, Self-Doubt, Self-Sacrifice, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, iwaoi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26943481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krazecat/pseuds/Krazecat
Summary: spike after spike, toss after toss,nothing is good enough.he will never be good enough.god why couldn’t he be enough?the self-loathing mess he was, the darkness that consumed the air around him; always seemed to fade into a gentle light when he appeared.iwaizumi hajime, the man of many skills, the one who stole his heart; here to knock some sense into him yet again.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 142





	emptying heart

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> this is the first time i have ever attempted writing oikawa and iwa’s characters interacting! hopefully i manage to do alright and i hope you guys like the story!  
> i am praying i didnt obliterate their characters aaa  
> i also sincerely hope i get to write some more for this fandom!  
> comments are appreciated ^^

the pounding of the volleyball whacking the gym floor filled oikawa’s ears. it was a violent sound, like giant waves attacking the shoreline of a beach viciously.

every toss resembled a failure in tooru’s eyes. another reason why he could never carry his team to the victory that they needed, a failure that _he_ had caused. you know what they say about failures, they must be eradicated in order to perform at your highest; and that is just what oikawa was aiming to do.   
  
his breaths came in short pants, his lungs racing to keep up with the endurance and pain that oikawa was putting his body through. 

four hours. four deliberating hours oikawa had been tossing and spiking and not one had ever been good enough—quite frankly, he was beginning to lose hope that anything he did would be great. how could anyone dare call him the “great king” if this was all he could deliver? nothing, and he meant, nothing was good enough.   
  
with a great huff of breath, oikawa shakily reached over to the bin that held the remaining volleyballs and grabbed onto one. it took a few attempts due to his exhausted limbs not being too coordinated, but eventually the brown-haired boy had managed to messily grab one. his dreams relied on his skills and if this was what his skills were leading on, oikawa figured that he could kiss everything he had ever planned goodbye.

it took a few moments for his breathing to eventually calm down to a semi-stable rate and even then did oikawa push on. once it seemed safe enough to make one more attempt, oikawa closed his eyes and brought the volleyball to his forehead. the cool material of the volleyball met his warm, sweating head and gave him a sense of comfort and security.

the coolness brought oikawa back to his cruel reality, and he allowed the volleyball to rest on his forehead a bit before he swiftly held it by his abdomen and stepped back, his arms lurching back and launching the volleyball forward and quite high up in the air. to an audience, it could be seen as quite a large throw, but to oikawa, it was not good enough.   
  
his brown eyes scanned the air and analyzed the timing of the ball’s velocity and speed. everything had to be strikingly perfect, oikawa had a strict way of working. if it was even a second late, oikawa redid the whole serve; it had to be **perfect.** finally, when the time was right, oikawa ran forward at grand speeds and launched himself upward, his hand reaching out and meeting the volleyball.

oikawa physically cringed as his knee screamed at him in resistance. the edging pain grew great and it ached tremendously, at this rate, tooru was surprised he hadn’t collapsed yet. it hurt, everything ached so bad. so much weight was placed on his shoulders as captain of the team and every single emotion he felt had to be shoved away. an emotional captain was one that made brash decisions, one that could end the team up with failure. 

oikawa was snapped out of his train of thought as a blaring gym light pierced his eyes. the boy had to physically wrench his head away, though, as he was in the air, oikawa felt the cooling air of the gymnasium run through his hair and embrace his body. it greatly reduced his sweat and tension but it served as a gentle reminder to keep going until everything was just. tooru told himself repeatedly that he would not leave this gym until he thought he had improved. 

when the warmth of his hand met the coolness of the volleyball, oikawa quickly converted all of his energy into his hit and whacked the ball to the other side of the net. it landed smoothly, with a few bounces ending it off before it gracefully rolled out of the end line. 

with that, oikawa’s feet made their way back down to the wooden ground; though this time, they wobbled dangerously. his arms reached out in an attempt to stabilize themselves, but he couldn’t help but fall back down onto the floor. like a baby deer learning how to walk, oikawa could only stumble and struggle to get up. his body seemed to have different plans than his brain did and all oikawa could do was lay slack on the floor, waiting for exhaustion to take over  
  
this wouldn’t be the first time that oikawa fell asleep in the gym; not that he wanted to of course, he was virtually stuck at the time. his knee locked in place, stuck, until hajime had eventually found him and nursed him back to health.   
  
hajime. the brutal reminder of how angry and disappointed his boyfriend seemed to be in him at the time crushed oikawa. all he had wanted to do was help the team by getting better—to lead them to victory, but all he had achieved was a swollen and bruised knee. well, at least now he got the chance of catching his breath.   
  
with a sniffle, oikawa zoned out as memories flashed across his head; the gymnasium seemed to morph into all these memories. the glare of ushijima’s eyes baring into him like a wolf’s prey, the many losses the team suffered, everything was becoming real, dangerously real. at the sight, oikawa backed up against the gym floor and panted, his breathing become thin and rushed as everything slowly began to become to much. 

“no more, no more, no more...” he chanted to himself, his calloused hands rising up to tug and pull at his brown, matted hair. in the midst of his growing hysteria, oikawa felt salty tears running down his cheeks and landing with a small pitter patter onto the gym floor. tiny tremors began rattling his body and oikawa felt as if he held no control over his movements and his body. nothing was working. nothing would ever work. he was a destined failure, nothing wou-the racing of thoughts were soon interrupted by the slam of the gym door opening and calm, collected steps walking toward his body. 

“oi, dumbass! do you care to explain why you haven’t been answering your phone for four whole hours?!” the voice rang out, that familiar voice. the sound of it made oikawa panic more. no, hajime couldn’t see him like this, please, not in this state. swiftly, oikawa ripped his hands away from his hair and wiped at his eyes in order to get rid of any obvious signs of his crying. but he knew iwaizumi, nothing could trick him, especially when he was in such a state like this—the latter knew him too well. slowly, oikawa’s reddened eyes met iwaizumi’s eyes once his boyfriend had crouched down in front of him with his arms crossed as if he was a scolding parent. a small, empty giggle made it’s way out of oikawa’s mouth and he offered iwaizumi a forced smile. 

“iwa-chan looks like a concerned parent!” he hummed out, the sentence wavering off at the end as another hitch of breath caused his body to convulse. maybe if he just acted happy enough, hajime would leave him to wallow in his misery, alone. yes, that felt like the ideal night, he just wanted to be alone... right?

”cut the bullshit. i want a proper answer, shittykawa. what the hell are you doing here so late? so help me god if you even say that you were ‘trying to perfect your failures,’ i will punch you to the moon.” hajime spoke with finger-quotes and the threat was empty; but to oikawa, it was still quite scary. tooru never liked to see hajime so angry at him, hell, he never liked to see his boyfriend worried about him. it wasn’t like he deserved the pity after all, why did he even bother? no, a better question was how did he even answer that? 

with a brief pause, hajime let out a short sigh and tugged his own phone out of his pocket, his finger brushing over the text app as he briskly showed oikawa all the unread messages he had sent him.   
“i’ve been texting you with no reply. you worried me sick. i thought you died or some shit, but then i remembered who i was dating. i should have known not to let you stay after.” iwaizumi cleared his throat and shoved his phone back into his pocket and raised his voice to imitate oikawa’s; “‘i’ll only stay one more hour, iwa-chan!’ my ass. come on, i’m taking you home, now.” 

hajime’s statement left no room for argument and just by his stare alone, oikawa felt no effort to argue with iwaizumi. even if he loved him with all his heart, oikawa couldn’t just leave yet, nothing was perfected. he had to stay and fight, there was no time to leave. why the hell didn’t iwaizumi understand this?!   
  
the more his mind raced to grasp on something to state, the more stressed he grew, and eventually, oikawa felt his dam snap and he shoved himself off of the floor with great power, despite stumbling, the captain put his weight on his knee and bit down on his lip. this action caused hajime to quickly stand up and hold his hands out in an effort to catch him incase he fell, but this only seemed to make oikawa grow angrier by the second. 

“no!” oikawa shouted with all his might, his limbs scrambling away from hajime before calming down and grabbing onto a nearby volleyball. “nothing is good enough yet! i haven’t done one single thing since i’ve been here!” tooru’s yelling was put to a pause as oikawa took a deep breath before continuing on, tears beginning to fully pour down his face now. “every time i try something new, it just ends up being flawed somehow! i’m sick of this! i just want to be good enough for the team! for you!” he snapped, the hands that were holding onto the volleyball now slamming it onto the floor.   
  


the volleyball launched straight up into the air before landing down next to iwaizumi and rolling away, the bitter silence that filled the room afterward made the tension grow. iwaizumi’s face grew to one of shock and then morphed into one of sheer anger, meanwhile, oikawa was tumbling back down to the ground again, his energy all spent on slamming that ball into the wooden floor. it’d be a lie to say that oikawa wasn’t terrified for what hajime had to say. his composure finally collapsed and oikawa slammed onto the gym floor, but before his bad knee could possibly hit the floor, he felt the embrace of warm arms around him.   
  


“you dumbass, you’ve been carrying all this on your shoulders? haven’t you...? how many times do i have to knock it through your head that you can always come to me!”  
slowly, but surely, hajime readjusted the pair so they were properly sitting on the gym floor; oikawa situated in his lap as he began to rock his crying boyfriend back and forth; any form of comfort being needed in the situation. oikawa felt his breath hitch as iwaizumi began rubbing comforting circles on the center of his back, his body shaking with sobs and quiet hitches of breath. 

hajime could feel the fabric of his shirt grow damper the more that oikawa cried and of course, he didn’t mind. with a gentle hush, iwaizumi carded a hand through oikawa’s hair and hummed a small tune under his breath in order to help oikawa calm down a bit.   
oikawa’s blood seemed to pound in his ears, like a loud drum at band practice. his hands tingled and it felt as if a million needles were poking into his skin. his nails dug viciously into iwaizumi’s skin and he could feel his boyfriend flinch at the sudden action, but eventually the other relaxed and began to up his efforts in calming him down. when the positive affirmations began pooling out of hajime’s mouth, oikawa cried harder; his statements beginning to become rushed.

”i-i’m sorry for never being good enough...” he hiccuped out, “i’m sorry for never leading us to victory,” at the idea of his insecurities coming to light, oikawa felt his stomach lurch and he only dug his head into hajime’s shoulders more viciously. “i’m sorry for everything. you guys deserve a better captain—honestly, i-i should just... q-quit...” now that seemed to be the final straw for iwaizumi. hajime had figured before that he would just let oikawa cry it all out, but this seemed to be a more severe episode than before.   
  
despite oikawa’s protests for being pulled away from iwaizumi, he placed his hands onto oikawa’s shoulders firmly to give him a feeling of ground and security. afterward, he began to exaggerate his breathing. his chest expanded out for a good six seconds before pausing for another five, and exhaling for a nice seven. the breathing exercises always seemed to help oikawa when he was having another episode like this one. 

“hey, hey, listen, you’ll be alright, okay? now breathe with me, honey...” and with that, hajime began to continue his exaggerated breathing exercises with tooru. even if it seemed that the pattern was broken by a stray breath, iwaizumi still praised oikawa for making it this far within the exercise. gods did oikawa deserve more than a simple remark to show how much he cared, but hajime also didn’t want to overwhelm him during such an attack.

“you’re doing wonderful, baby. just keep doing your breathing exercises... sh, everything will be alright...” the positive affirmations continued to be repeated into oikawa’s ear as iwaizumi consoled him. “i’m not mad at you, i promise. i am not disappointed nor mad. wow, you’re doing amazing with the breathing! you’re a natural.” sure, some of those reassurances were blatant lies; they were words of encouragement regardless. the breathing that oikawa was letting out was anything but stable, but you still dreamt even when having nightmares. both left a profound impact regardless if they were true or not.   
  
after a few minutes, oikawa’s breathing seemed to have calmed down to a stable rate. hajime figured that now would be a good time to discuss all the apologies that oikawa had spewed out, so ever-so-gently, hajime grabbed onto his shoulders and lightly tugged him away from his body so he could properly look oikawa in the eye. 

“you are enough. you will always be enough. stop putting so much damn pressure on yourself, shittykawa.” when one more stray tear dared to make it’s way out of oikawa’s splotchy eyes; hajime raised a thumb and gently swiped it away from his face. a small smile made it’s way onto his face and one of iwaizumi’s hands cupped oikawa’s cheek. “you amaze so much everyday, ya’ know that? so many people look up to you and your persistence.” in order to prove his point, hajime motioned his head toward all the stray volleyballs that still littered the gym.

”you see that? that’s the work of a man who cares about what he does. one who is my idiotic lover, who despite my orders, still defies them.” hajime let his words sink into oikawa and when he noticed a relative shift in the boy’s expression; he continued on, “lots of people look up to you. please, stop putting all this bullshit onto your shoulders; talk to me. i have never once judged you, don’t go suddenly thinking that i’ll start judging you for this. got it dumbass?”

  
when oikawa offered him a weak nod. iwaizumi shifted and situated the boy off of his lap and helped him into a standing position. the captain’s arm was wrapped around his shoulders as he used iwaizumi for support whilst hajime led him over toward a nearby bench. what oikawa would have never expected, was for iwaizumi to pull out his favorite stuffed animal out of his jacket’s pocket and hand it to him.

”y-you brought harold...?” oikawa stammered out, a wobbly smile filling his face as he gratefully took the stuffed alien away from hajime’s grasp. “of course i did. now come on, rest for a bit while i clean up this mess.” iwaizumi figured that his statement seemed to light and playfully, he returned his usual frown and began to step toward the volleyballs.

“if i even see you move an inch, you’re dead.” when hajime saw that oikawa had taken in the threat, he grabbed onto the volleyball cart and began to clean up after oikawa. it took some time due to the balls all being in various locations due to the amount of strength each went through, but after around another half-hour, everything was cleaned up and in great shape. by the time iwaizumi had made it back to the bench oikawa was sat on, he was welcomed by the sight of his boyfriend cuddling that stupid alien plush. it was adorable, yet he couldn’t help but grow irked at how quickly he was able to help oikawa.   
  
with a quiet grumble and a smack to his arm at what he was supposed to do, iwaizumi crouched down in front of oikawa and sent a piercing glare in his direction. his hands moved so his palms were facing away from his back and he stood there for a good minute, simply looking like an idiot. oikawa watched iwaizumi with a skeptical expression. it took a good moment for iwaizumi to finally decipher that the brown-haired boy didn’t know what he was motioning for him to do.   
“are you fucking serious? i’m trying to tell you to get on my back, you big idiot. with a knee in a condition like that, you can’t walk for jack-shit. if i allowed you to walk, you’d probably never get home, now hurry up and get on before i change my mind. that knee needs ice and proper treatment and you also need a warm shower. you smell.” 

oikawa’s cuddling with howard altered and he gasped, “woah! iwa-chan is becoming such a sap!” but without another complaint, oikawa climbed onto iwaizumi’s back and with a huff, the two began to walk off toward oikawa’s place. hajime had to be careful not to jostle oikawa’s bad knee, so it took a good moment to figure out a decent pace to walk at. but before he could even manage to walk out of the gym though, oikawa leaned his head onto onto hajime’s shoulder and poked him on the cheek in a teasing manner. “don’t forget to turn off the lights and lock up properly!” oikawa chimed out.   
  


the urge to whack oikawa over the head only seemed to grow at the moment, but iwaizumi took it as a good sign that he was beginning to slowly feel better, so he took it and nodded gruffly. “whatever, shittykawa. i never knew you could lock up something ‘properly,’ but whatever.” and with that, iwaizumi locked up the gym to oikawa’s standards and began to walk back to tooru’s place. 

a cool breeze ran through the air and the trees rustled with the tiniest bit of force placed on them. the distant lights of the city filled the night and the stars above led to some scientific conversation that oikawa sparked. of course, hajime had no idea just what the hell oikawa was talking about, but if it made him happy, than he’d gladly listen for hours. as oikawa ranted on and on about the star systems and aliens, hajime was eventually snapped out of his trance by a tap on the head.

”huh? what now?” he questioned oikawa, who seemed to have a sly grin on his face. oh god, that was never a good sign. that grin held many goals, some being to annoy iwaizumi whilst some led to horrible pick-up lines. now, if tooru dared to say a pick-up line at such a time, then hajime figured that he would just leave the moron behind.   
  
oikawa giggled for a good few moments before promptly placing both of his hands in iwaizumi’s hair, beginning to rustle and mess with it; hell, he even began to make little braids out of the strands. “you’re so attractive, the gravitational disturbance is causing my galactic center to elongate!”

and with that, iwaizumi paused his walking and stared at the path ahead of them; beginning to calculate how long it would take oikawa to walk back to his house on his own. 


End file.
